Raising Hell
by PinkyKeene
Summary: Raising children isn't easy. Especially when they have superpowers and you're trying to rule the underworld.


_Author's note: I know 'Raising Hell' has been published before. It was written by me and edited by a close friend of mine under the username 'TheAngryDancers'. Due to unforeseen consequences, I am now writing alone. Let me make it clear that we are still friends and she was a huge part of 'Raising Hell'. I have no hard feelings towards her. I did read all the reviews and I am so grateful for all of them! I'm so happy and a little shocked that 'Raising Hell' has gotten an AMAZING response! Please enjoy._

 _Disclaimer: I own nothing. All these wonderful characters belong to Craig McCraken._

I've been called by many names. Leviathan. Keeper of Hell. Ruler of Demons. The Devil. Lucifer. A fallen angel. Satan. HIM. But recently I've been called Dad, Pops and Mum, Mother. That's right the Dark Lord himself has buckled down and created children. Three boys to be exact. Originally, I created my boys to destroy three pesky girls who were determined to protect humanity from evil. Really a waste of superpowers in my humble opinion. After the battle, the boys returned to me. I could have easily destroyed them but those boys; those impatient, rebellious, loud- mouthed, vicious, and borderline disgusting boys, had a glimmer of potential. If taught correctly, they could be the most destructive and lethal forces on the planet. I thought it'd be an easy little side project just a few lessons every day then I could poof them wherever they pleased. Unfortunately, my plan didn't work out like that at all. Now here I am a single parent raising three ten year old boys in the pits of Hell. Sitting here finally enjoying one of the very few quite, calm moments of my day. Even with all the boys' activities and lessons, they still somehow found a way to completely drain my energy. I looked at the clock. 3:15. Their soccer practice would be ending any minute now. Those beasts would be home in five minutes. Five minutes. My eyes floated to the cabinet containing all my sons' awards. Varies sport trophies. Martial arts medals. A few certificates for piano, violin, debate and archery. Stupid kids. They're good at everything.

"KNOCK IT OFF, BRICK"

"WELL STOP BEING A BALLHOG, BUTCH"

Oh great, they're home. A redhead, a brunette and a blond stood in the living room. All dressed in their grey and black soccer uniforms that were covered in grass stains, dirt and what looked like… blood? Was that blood? Who's blood was that? Maybe it wasn't blood. Maybe it was something else. Coffee? No ten year olds don't like coffee. The blond's uniform was still clean. At least one of them has respect for fresh laundry.

"Moooooooom, Brick and Butch got into a fight at practice because Butch was being a ballhog and wouldn't pass it and then Brick pushed him and Butch pushed Brick back and then they started punching each other and then coach told everyone to get a water break but I stayed and watched and now I'm thirsty but they're still fightingggggggg"

Oh Boomer. Sweet, sweet Boomer. I can always get the story from my favorite blond, blue eyed son.

"Way to snitch, Boomer."

"Narc!"

Guess now was a good time to intervene.

"Don't talk like that to your baby brother. Butch go eat something then get ready for Judo. Brick you have a piano lesson in fifteen minutes and I don't want to hear any whining. Boomer you get ice cream for telling me what happened." Yeahhh parenting.

"Why does Boomer get ice cream?", my middle son whined soccer ball still under his foot. Looks like a black eye was forming. What are you supposed to do for black eyes? Warm towel? Ice pack? Maybe it'll just go anyway on it's own.

"Why do I have to take piano? Why can't I go to Judo? Judo isn't dumb and all stuck up." My eldest piped up. A decent sized bruise forming on his jaw. Butch was probably trying to shut him up. Can't say I really blame him.

"What did I say about whining?"

"I'm not whining, I'm stating fact. Tutor makes lessons so boring. He keeps making me learn waltzes. When am I ever going to need to know how to play a waltz when I'm king of Hell?"

He had a point, I just don't like that tone. I don't think there has ever been a more competent ten year old. From the moment I saw him I knew he'd be the heir to the lava throne. So quick witted. Persuasive. Charming. He takes his role as a prince much more seriously than his brothers. Always has his eye on his end goal and a natural taste for complete chaos. I swear my Brick would be a great lawyer if he didn't already make his mind up about taking over the 'family business'.

"You have to learn waltzes because tutor said so. Now go." With that I received a glare and a pout but he went to get ready none the less. My youngest was beaming up at me. Eagerly awaiting his reward for tossing his brothers under the parental bus. I opened the freezer and pulled out the tub labeled, "Boomer". Birthday cake confetti explosion. Basically sugar mixed with more sugar and a healthy helping of sugar on top. Should I even be giving my kid this? I'm almost positive this is a cavity waiting to happen. Can chemical X enhanced kids even get cavities? Whatever I have dental insurance. Cavities build character.

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"Can I have sprinkles too?"

"Boomer, this ice cream has sprinkles jammed in it. How many more sprinkles could you possibly need?"

"Well...the ice cream has rainbow sprinkles…and we have star shaped sprinkles…"

Honestly, I tuned my son out after that. I don't need to hear about the differences between sprinkles. He's a good kid. He's just trying to prove that he can present a case like Brick. Unfortunately, Boomer doesn't have Brick's… anything… really. I can't break his heart, he's really trying to state the differences between star sprinkles and rainbow sprinkles.

"You can have sprinkles, son."

"See! Told ya I could change your mind!"

I handed him his tooth decay in a bowl and he immediately dumped half a bottle of blue star sprinkles on top. He floated behind me till we reached the living room. He zoomed past me to sit right in the middle of my fuzzy, pink couch. That's fine I can sit on the end. That's okay. It's not like I wanted to maybe lay on that couch. By myself. It's not like I bought that couch for that very reason. Boomer was already flipping through channels at a blinding speed. Ugh

this room was a mess. Toys, books, a scale model of downtown Tokyo made of toothpicks, and a few video games cases littered the floor. My house was so clean before I had children. I didn't have to pick up other people's messes when I didn't have children. Why? Why did I have children?

"MOMCANWEWATCHTHISHUHMOMCANWEIPROMISEITSGOODCANWEWATCHITCANWEHUH"

"...honey, you have to slow down when you talk Mommy didn't really hear what you said."

Deep breath

"Mom, CANWEWATCHTHISPLEASEIREALLTWANTTOWATCHTHISITLOOKSSOCOOL"

"...one more time. Slower. Mommy needs to hear actual words this time."

Deeper breath

"Can we watch Iron Man? He's so cool and I really like him and his suit and he has these gloves that-"

"You've seen Iron Man eight times."

"...But I haven't seen it nine times."

"Boom-"

SLAM

Oh lovely. Here comes another one.

"LATER, POPS. SEE YOU AT DINNER"

Butch ran past me into a swirling portal barely making it before it closed. Just as quickly as it closed, the portal reopened. Butch hopped out, slammed Boomer's ice cream out of his hand then went back into his portal. Boomer stared at his fallen comrade for a few seconds. Hands still where the bowl used to be.

"MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM"

Aw crap now there's ice cream on the rug. Someone has to clean that. Where are those demons when I need them?

"DID YOU SEE WHAT HE DID?!"

"I did, sweetheart. But I need to get someone to clean that before the stain se-"

"IS NOTHING IN THIS HOUSE SAFE?! IS NOTHING HOLY?!"

"Well….technically…"

A tiny, red creature ran past my raging son. Armed with a small bucket, soapy water, and a scrub brush the little devil was here to fight the stain. I pointed to the mound of now ice cream soup. Boomer was still ranting about how Butch was "the worst brother in this dimension" and "totally sucked". I need to stop this. I need a drink. I need multiple drinks. It hasn't even been an hour and already too much has happened. Alright need to fix this. Is it bad parenting if I just let him eat the rest of the container? Is it bad parenting if I don't? What else do I have? Damn it now the stupid dog was barking! Wait….the dog. Boomer loved that dog. That's it. Boomer can go play with the dog and I can drink!

"Honey, why don't you go see if Cerberus wants to play? I'm sure he missed you!"

Boomer ceased his threats on his older brother's life looked up at me in complete awe.

"I can go play with Cerberus?"

"You sure can!"

A flash of blue and my boy was out the door. A fit of barking ensued. Ah a boy and his three-headed hellhound. There's nothing sweeter. I walked but into the kitchen and opened the secret to my sanity. The liquor cabinet. It's a wine kind of a night.

"Mother."

Speaking of red. I turned to find my eldest clad in jeans, a t-shirt and the worst attitude in all of Hell.

"You're piano lesson starts in 3 minutes. Go."

"I want to take debate."

"Your debate lesson is tomorrow. Piano. Go."

"Je veux prendre Français."

"Votre leçon de français est le dimanche . Piano. Aller."

"I don't feel well."

"You feel well enough to pick fights so you must be well enough to learn Beethoven for your mother. Who carried you. Who spent sixteen hours trying to birth that massive head of yours."

"You can't use my birth against me, mother."

"Do you want to see the stretch marks you and your brothers gave me, you little pain? Did you know what you three did to my body?"

"Don't do this, Mother."

"Oh and you just had to come out first. I'll have you know that while you were crowning the doctor collapsed from exhaustion. So I reached down there and delivered you three by myself."

I added hand gestures to make it more uncomfortable for him. I didn't have to give birth….but it's good black mail.

"Mom. Seriously. Stop talking about my birth. It's weird."

"Excuse me, it was not just yours. I had to push out your brothers too. To be fair, after you popped out the other two just slid right out. It was like a gorey slip 'n' slide."

"Oh my god, mommmmmm"

He was covering his ears now his head was on the counter. Good. Now to finish this.

"Don't even get me started on the afterbirth."

"GROSS, MOM."

His hands were still covering his ears as he zoomed through a portal right into his piano lesson. I am a great parent.

 _-Boomer-_

"Come on, Boomer!" I heard Butch call from the other side of the portal. He and Brick were waiting for me, firmly planted in an alleyway in a little outside downtown Townsville. Exactly where Mom told us not to go. We can go anywhere in the world and Brick chose the one place we aren't allowed in. All to collect stupid contracts.

"Guys, do we really need more souls?"

"Yes." With that Brick pulled me through the portal and dropped me on Townsvillian asphalt.

"Listen, boys, we only need two souls. That's two contracts. Be on the lookout for people who look distort or down on their luck. They don't need to sign anything today but they need to be willing to make a deal. We'll mark their soul and be our way. Pretty simple." Brick explained as we turned the corner before 'officially' entering the downtown Townsville area.

"Mom said not to go to Townsville", I said pulling at the end of my shirt. This was going to be bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. Mom's going to flip.

"Mom says a lot of things about a lot of stuff", Butch said beside me hands jammed in his pockets. He didn't seem super interested in this mission.

"Bingo."

I heard Brick say as he stopped in front of a colossal skyscraper. Usually Brick doesn't miss the mark when it came to finding some poor sap ready to sell their soul. I really don't see what he's getting at here.

"Feel that boys?"

"All I can feel is the impending disappointment from our mother."

"Someone in there is desperate. Looking for a way out of whatever mess they're in."

"I'm pretty desperate to go back home."

"Shut up, Boomer. We're going in."

Butch pushed me in behind Brick. The building's lobby was cold. Not just temperature wise either. There was a giant black receptionist desk with 'MOREBUCKS INC' written in bold, golden letters. Yet there was no receptionist.

"Looks like they're at lunch, oh well. Maybe next time. Wow! Look at the time! Mom's probably wondering where we are so let's just-"

I heard the ding of an elevator. Brick was waiting patiently while Butch bounced eagerly beside him.

"Guys?"

"We're going to go find the source of desperation. You can stay down here if you want."

"Yeahhh babies really should stay in the lobby!" Stupid Butch said still bouncing and twitching…. Like a big, dumb jerk.

"I'm not a baby!"

I followed my brothers into the elevator. But I wasn't happy about it. Brick stared at the numbered buttons for a second then pushed the highest one. I started to bite my nails. This idea was dumb. That's coming from the dumbest of the dumb. I know dumb when it's in an elevator with me.

 _Ding_

The elevator stopped at the thirteenth floor. Almost the same scene from the lobby. Big expensive desk, but no receptionist. Brick was already halfway through the lobby when Butch started dragging me out of the elevator. As we approached a golden office door, I felt the air get heavier, almost static. Like everything had been perfectly still till it was disrupted by our presence. Butch went ahead to push open the door, allowing Brick to make his creepy entrance. He's so calm and collected it's making me nervous. He stopped before a big desk with an even bigger man slumped on it. Whiskey bottles and paperwork cluttered the floor.

"Mr. Morebucks I'm assuming? Pleasure to meet you, sir." Brick said in a cool voice. If his voice was deeper he'd sound like a proper businessman. Mr. Morebucks grunted in response.

"Sir, I couldn't help but notice you're lacking staff"

"Couldn't afford to have them work on Fridays" Mr. Morebucks said quietly, head still on his desk. Poor guy.

"Tough times? Money a little thin?"

"You have no idea"

"No but I'd like to make an educated guess. You relocated your business to this ever growing city and of course, you were a success. That is till your daughter wanted to play super villain. She caused a few million dollars in damages to the city. Like any loving parent, you cleaned up her mess but you were so busy cleaning up her messes, you didn't clean up your own. Am I getting close?"

Poor Mr. Morebucks lifted his head to relieve bloodshot eyes. He looked horrified.

"Now here you're bankrupt. No doubt in legal trouble and your daughter is showing no signs of retiring the super suit"

C'mon, Brick. Give this poor man a break….

"How do you know that?"

"Oh it's my business to know, sir. I'm here to offer some assistance. Call it your saving grace."

"What can you do?"

"Ask not what _I_ can do for you. Ask what my _father_ can do for you"

There he goes. Hook, line and sinker. Poor Mr. Morebucks never stood a chance against my big brother.

"Who's your father?"

"Someone who specializes in cases like yours. You see, my brothers and I, we're the humble messengers but my father's the man you really need."

"What do I have to do?"

"All you need to do is say you're interested in making a deal then he comes to you."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

"Heyyyy you drink the same brand as our mom!" Butch piped up holding a bourbon bottle. He's so nosy. He has absolutely no respect for people's privac- oh that is mom's brand. Mr. Morebucks still had his eyes locked on Brick. My big brother has giving it right back to him. Standing tall, hands behind his back, total eye contact with his new toy, smirk growing on his face.

"Do we have a deal, Mr. Morebucks?"

Brick extended his hand. God, he must be so pleased with himself right now. His smirk was slowly growing into a creepy grin. I could see poor Mr. Morebucks tense up. Too late now. Brick had this defeated, hung over man in his sights. The former richest man in Townsville awkwardly wiped his hand on his pants before shaking my brother's hand.

"Deal."

"Wonderful. Boys, let's go. Pleasure meeting you, sir. We can see ourselves out."

Butch is still digging through some drawers. He does this every time we're on collection duty. He doesn't even try to hide it. Brick on the other hand was almost out the door.

"W-wait! Kid! Now what? Do I call someone or something?"

"We'll be in touch, sir. Boomer. Butch. Leave Mr. Morebucks to his liver destruction."

Before leaving, Butch marched right up to Mr. Morebucks' desk, flipped over a bowl of candy then lifted said empty bowl over his head.

"I'm taking this."

Butch began to back out of the office backwards and with the empty dish still over his head. I picked up some of the candies and placed them on Mr. Morebucks' desk. He just looked down at me. His eyes filled with confusion… And fear.

"S-sorry about the mess, mister. I-I can stay and help you clean if you li-"

"BOOMER, LET'S GO"

Well I've overstated my welcome. I waved at Mr. Morebucks before running out of the office to join my brothers in the elevator. Brick in all his glory. Butch with his….candy dish. As the elevator doors closed Butch turned to me with the scariest grin plastered on his face.

 _"I got a candy dish"_

The elevator ride down was silent. Butch still bouncing up and down with his candy dish. Brick was still standing tall, hands behind his back. His creepy, "I just ruined your life" grin had shrunk down to his usual, "I'm better than you" smirk. As soon as we were out of the building, my big brother whipped around to me and Butch.

"DID YOU SEE THAT?! I SET UP A CONTRACT WITH MR. MOREBUCKS! _THE_ MR. MOREBUCKS! _ME!_ DAD PROBABLY DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT MOREBUCKS INC! I AM THE BEST PRINCE EVER!"

Brick took a few seconds to collect himself before insisting on getting celebratory ice cream. Butch and I followed Brick down a few alleyways and across a street to one of Townsville's best ice cream shops. At least I think it is. We've been kicked out of every other ice cream place before I ever got to try anything. I mean I like this ice cream shop. It's owned by an old man who still thinks it's 1952 so he only charges a quarter. Brick ordered first, then Butch, then me. I put seventy-five cents on the counter before I rejoined my brothers.

"So what are you gonna do with that candy dish?"

"Put a big spider on it and throw it on you when you're asleep."

"...Brick, Butch is going to throw a large spider on me while I'm asleep"

"Well at least he gave you a warning. Now you'll have time to prepare."

"How can I prepare if I'll be asleep?"

"How bad do you want to not have a spider thrown at you?"

"... Pretty bad"

Brick shrugged and returned to eating his ice cream. Butch just smiled at him and mouthed 'soon'. I hate being the youngest. Always getting picked on and pushed around. I looked out the window to the building right across the street from the ice cream parlor. It was nothing special really. Plain,a Townsville Dance and Gymnastics banner hanging over the front… Wait. Townsville Dance and Gymnastics? Why does that sound familiar?

"Hey guys, does Townsville Dance and Gymnastics sound familiar to you?"

"No."

"Nope."

"Doesn't Blossom dance or something, Brick?"

He stiffened. Uh oh, I'm either going to get yelled at right now or an additional spider thrown at me at a later date.

"Why would I know that, Boomer?"

"Because you talk to her all the time at school?"

"I do not. She dances at the Townsville Dance Company or something like that."

"It says "home of the Townsville Dance Company" on the window." Butch added in gesturing with his spoon.

"Does it look like I care? Why would I care?"

"I'm not saying you do! I'm just asking a question!"

"And I answered it."

"You can ask her right now."

"Shut up, Bu-what did you say?"

"Look, there's Blossom, Bubbles and that one Robin girl walking over here."

Butch said again gesturing with his spoon and getting ice cream on the window. He was right. Blossom, Bubbles and Robin were walking here. Clad in matching black sweatpants, jackets and duffle bags.

"We need to leave right now."

"Why? We haven't fought them since first grade."

"We need to leave, Butch. That's an order."

"Whatever just don't go that weird word vomit think you do, Boss."

"I do not word vomit, you-"

 _Jingle_

And now they're inside. I waved at Bubbles, who of course waved back because she was the politest person on the planet. She nudged Blossom who just smiled in our direction before ordering. Brick looked...weird. Like he had gotten brain freeze or something. I think he's still not used to being friends with Blossom. Every time she's around him, he either totally freezes up and says nothing or he talks waaaaaay to much.

"Hey guys!"

Bubbles was the first one to join us. She didn't sit down with us but she put her duffle on the floor as she leaned against the wall. Her jacket wasn't zipped. She had on a blueish greenish colored leotard. This is the only time I've ever seen her hair in anyway but pigtails. She had it in one big ponytail. It wasn't drastically different but it was still nice. I glanced over to Brick. He was so stiff. He's going to word vomit. He's going to word vomit so hard….and I'm gonna watch.

"Hello Brick"

Blossom's hair was pulled back in a bun and her jacket was unzipped just enough to see the bright pink leotard under. I looked over to my brother. The show was about to start.

"Oh heyyy Blossom! I didn't think you'd be down here. At all. Ever. I mean I do now because that place you dance at is right across the street. Really it only make sense that you would come here eventually because, ya know, distance and all. But it's weird that you're here and I'm here! Like the chances right! Ice cream before dance? That's brave! I would probably puke! Not that I vomit often. I'm assuming you haven't taken a dance class yet because you're not all gross and sweaty. NOT that you ever would be! Maybe you would! I get gross and sweaty all the time when I do things! It's totally normal and not gross at all! It's your bodies way or cooling yourself down and if you didn't sweat, you would overheat and die. Not just you, I mean everyone. If no one sweated, everyone would overheat and die! But I hear death isn't so bad….so you do dance and gymnastics across the street?"

Oh my god, that was great. How the mighty have fallen.

"Yeah! Well more dance than gymnastics now that I'm in the youth company. I had a ballet lesson at noon and now Robin and I going in for a company class and Bubbles has gymnastics."

Blossom is probably so used to my brother's rambling but she's too nice to stop him. Or maybe she enjoys the show too.

"Youth company? What is that? Is that going to mess up your regular schedule? Not that I know your schedule! You just seem like schedule-y kind of gal! Personally, I think everyone should have a schedule. I love having a schedule because I need it. I have a lot of activists and lessons! My tutors and dad are really strict about that kind of stuff. Not that I can't handle the pressure, I can totally handle pressure! Me and pressure get along so well! I love being pressured into things. Some things. Hey did you understand question number three in the math packet? I know math but not that that question but I can definitely do math."

This is the greatest thing I have ever seen. Brick Alexander Jojo, Prince of Hell, First born of HIM, and leader of the Rowdyruff Boys, a total nervous mess in front of the girl he likes. A complete and utter dork. Blossom just giggled.

"We have to get to class but I'll get back to you about that question"

She started walking out of the ice cream parlor with a wave. Naturally, Bubbles and that Robin girl followed. As soon as they were out of earshot, Butch wiped up.

"You're such a nerd, it's stressful"

 _-Brick-_

As soon as my brother and I touched down in Hell, a crowd of demons and ghosts surrounded us. Mainly me. They began ushering me towards my father's office. My private tutor spoke up first.

"Your father has been waiting for you. He saw the meeting."

I noticed Tutor was wearing his formal black robe. A hood covering his face. Tutor wears that robe when one of two things have happened: I have done what is expected of me or when I have made a complete fool of myself. We stopped in front of my father's office. The ghosts and demons that were following us now stood in a line behind me. I looked back for a split second and saw a few of them pull up their hoods. Among the damn included, my debate tutor, my French tutor, my piano tutor, and of course, my namesake. Tutor pushed to door to father's office open before he nudged me inside. Father's office was always changing. Always had different furniture, art and color schemes. But one thing always remained the same. A massive oil painting of Father, my brother and I, in our formal Hell attire. Crowns and all. Father had taken his human form for that painting. The painting was always above my father's desk. A reminder to all who enter of who they are dealing with. Father had the back of his chair turned toward me. I couldn't tell what form he had taken. Tutor spoke up.

"Your Evilness, I've brought you your eldest. As requested."

"Leave us, spirit."

His voice was monotone. I started going over the Morebucks situation again in my head. I know I did everything right. I know I did. I tried to look at Tutor but he and crowd had abandoned the room. It was just me and my dad now.

"Father, I… I know you said to stay away from Townsville but I had a feeling. You always say hunting should come natural an-"

"You secured a deal."

"Yes but-"

"You, at age ten, secured a deal with a multi-millionaire."

"Yes."

My father turned towards me in his human form. He was smiling, beaming, holding his crown in his hands.

"My ten year old son outsmarted a man four times his age in exactly eight minutes."

"I didn't want to get him time to think about it."

Dad stood up, walked over me and placed a hand on my shoulder. I don't see dad's human form often. At least not the male one. This form was tall and lean with slicked back silver hair. The eyes were black. The eyes were always back. Of course father dressed all his forms in exquisite fashion. Today he wore a tailored, black suit. Dad was still smiling at me. I've never seen him smile this long. He pulled me into a vice like hug.

"Oh, Brick, Brick, my Brick, I'm so proud. If you're this much of a snake now, I can't imagine what you'll be like when you're sixteen."

"Thanks, Dad."

He took off my baseball cap, placed his crown on my head and turned me towards a mirror. Can't say it fit like a glove, it was still too big for me. He was still trying to get it to stay in one place.

"You'll grow into it."

I started at the mirror. My father's crown finally balanced on my head. I know that this is what I'm meant to do. I know I'm the only one who can bear the weight of my father's crown. His crown, his kingdom and his legacy, rightfully, belongs to me. My father removed his crown from my head before placing it gently back on his own. Fixing his hair in the mirror before us. He placed my cap back on my head and squeezed my shoulder one last time.

"Someday, child. Someday."


End file.
